Just One Friend

For most of my life I have had one friend, or at least just one close friend. Throughout my time at school, I think the total number of close friends was 3 (not simultaneously). That doesn’t mean I was a complete recluse, though essentially I couldn’t relate to more than one person at once. This is a typical Aspergers trait. At university I met my wife, and then she became that one friend.

Church, of course, means relating to groups, especially home groups. I never found them easy, and to be truthful they never really worked for me. In fact I have really found church culture very strange and difficult to get used to. I found living in a foreign country speaking a foreign language (i.e. German in Germany) much less strange than being part of a church. I don’t quite know why that is.

Since being healed, I joined a German conversation group without the first though of the relating to groups issue. I have had no problems at all relating to several people at once, which is great.

Looking back on the time when I was autistic, the level of loneliness I experienced was quite extreme. At the time I didn’t realise just how extreme this was, even though I had the one close friend. It’s only since being healed that I have appreciated the richness in the variety of getting to know lots of different people, and actually being genuinely part of something where friendships are what it’s about (that is, belonging to a church). I think the loneliness is at the heart of a lot of my emotional wounding.

Really, I have now become a people watcher, though I do have to be careful, because people become self conscious when watched. I do find the different personalities fascinating to observe, and the interaction between people via their body language all the more so.