I Contact

If you’re wondering whether someone has Aspergers or not, eye contact, or the lack of it, can be a pretty good indicator. Having said that, if someone doesn’t look at you when they are talking, this is an indicator of shame, which will occur if someone has been victimised or put down a lot. In my case, I didn’t used to look at people when I was talking to them for both these reasons.

Actually, if someone with Aspergers doesn’t have the shame issue, then they will tend to have more of a fixated stare, almost as if they are looking through you. Most people find this a bit off-putting, if not spooky. Somehow the usual interaction between the eyes just doesn’t take place.

When I was healed, this was one of the most striking changes. Previously, eye contact simply had no meaning and was even embarrassing. I used to find it much easier to relate to people talking on the phone. I think it put things more on even ground for me. For quite a long time afterwards, though, making eye contact with someone really used to startle me. We take for granted the interplay that goes on between the eyes, but when you’ve never experienced that before, it comes as quite a shock. I remember I used to walk down the street noticing that, in fact, most people weren’t annoyed at me for getting in their way at all. Then suddenly my eyes would meet someone else’s and I would jump out of my skin. Even today, I’m still finding it difficult to get used to. If I’m in a good mood, I find myself unintentionally exchanging nods and greetings with people I’ve never met. Either that, or people wonder what I want. I sometimes have to make a conscious effort not to start engaging with everyone I meet.

Actually, there’s more than just eye contact where this interplay goes on. The whole body language and tone of voice bit is also very significant, and we tend not to realise it is going on. To a very large extent, this came naturally to me when I was healed. At first I did find conversations with people exhausting, and after half to three-quarters of an hour I would feel emotionally drained and really quite down. I still get this, but not as badly, or at least maybe I just cope better. I do get tired easily when talking to people, and I find my mind or eyes wandering, which I know must be off-putting. My wife tells me it is, anyway. Regarding body language, I still tend to speak it with a bit of a foreign accent. Maybe this will change with time – old habits die hard.